Cogito Ergo Sum!

Pangs of LOVE are like sweet little venomous droplets.
They are the lifelines for sustaining my empty being.
They are the virtuoso spirit behind my reign.
I feel it, I know it, experience it with all my breathes.

The magic, the conjury performed by the Pangs of Love
Brings a mystical flavour of ecstasy.
They reflex your sinewy existence in my Being
Adding verve to my living spree. A vitalizing SOMA
That You are. The Amrit, the life giving Pangs Of LOVE.

July 06,2005 10:10 PM

Wednesday, February 16, 2005
A little endeavour
This is me a twenty two year old girl trying to achieve something in life. Though what that something exactly is. I think my new friends on net can help me in my pursuit of finding answers to the neverending questions that keep blooming in my mental shells. Please feel free to post your comments and I will try to reply all the mail (if at all I get;)Currently I am doing my Masters in English. I have obtained a PG diploma in Print Journalism after completing my Bachelors. I am a Freelance writer.For me my family and friends are the most important people on this Earth. I love to excercise my brain over trivial things in life. I contemplate a lot.Few questions flying with me right now are:1) What makes best of friends?2) Is it wise to have a best friend in the opposite gender?3) Do a best friend turned husband is better or worse in future?4) What is most important in life-- money or relationships?5) Can all of us at some points of our life behave unpredictability?6) What is in stored for me this valentine?7) Marriage -- a necessity or binding?8) Love---at first sight or after few meetings?9) Principles and morals or Gone are those days with p&m?10) Love--unconditional or practicality should be maintained?11) You are continuing this reading or just shutting it off...?I dont know answer to all these questions and may be none of us know. Would like to share my views on various aspects of life--from relationships to relationships :) , current issues--social, political or financial and anything if you have to chat about.PG

Indifference v/s Emotions
Often people at work, at homes, market places, Cinema Halls would be saying to each other, “It doesn’t bother to me anymore. I am indifferent. I am a practical person. Senti doesn’t work with me anymore.”
Many of my friends, acquaintances had said these words in one or the other way. They would say, “It is unprofessional to show emotions at workplace.” The words that perplex me even more would be, something like, - “One must learn to live hard heartedly to be successful in this world.”
At times, a heated debate would be raised-- Indifference v/s emotions. Say between, Myself and My dear Indifferent friend.
In between the debate:My dear Indifferent friend would keep on telling me that he/she is indifferent towards everything in life. He/she didn’t even bother how does his/her words affect me.
The Result : They will finish with: “You are still a kid. As long as show emotions people will keep on using your sentiments and befool you for their benefits.”
I will say: If you were so indifferent, why are you so agitation on my Senti words?
The reason I am putting up this here: I really think this INDIFRENCE has become a major intruder in the life of a human being who is primarily an animal with emotions.Though few days back I talk to a 40+ successful professional who said emotions are necessary to grow as a professionally and socially even. My belief strengthened into emotions.
Another point people would bring during this debate is, they have gone through so much in life. And now if you expect them to be normal (innocent/ emotional/ naïve) human being, it is expecting too much from them. Is that so?These people laugh less. As if they are afraid of getting addicted to that smile again.They will add It doesn’t matter anymore and keep telling you about their emotionless ness.Many a times, Especially Guys, would keep telling you how devilish they are. They would suggest you to keep away as they don’t want to exploit your innocence. Though they will even tell you that you will loose this “innocence” eventually. They would try very hard to act as a spoiler.
Every time I talk to any such person I promise them that Meet me after 10 years & you will see me smiling and talking non sense like this.I realize how painful it would be for a person to tell himself that he/she doesn’t care for friends/relatives/ people around anymore.Aren’t they lying to themselves? Is it possible to take away or kill your original self (kid self) from your soul?I have lost many friends into this world of indifference. They talk to me, as long as they feel I am not touching their heart. Its so painful, at times, to see them acting hard to show their indifference and avoiding each and every little thing as it is somehow related to their lost world--the world of innocence.
-Priyanka

LOVE, I AND THEE.

You might be away,
In a state of merriment and gay.
Time may pass,
But Love never surpass.

I am you, or you are Me,
Words buzzing like a bee
To me.
I wonder if honey is sweeter
Or flower is dearer
To bee.

Perplexed I am,
And confusion binds
For my subconscious mind
Love pertains
Between flower and bee,
I and Thee.

How much is too much?
Is falling in Love too much?
For me giving your self completely
To that somebody you love
Is all that define LOVE

With Love I live my whole day
I make little compromises without any delay

Is falling in Love too much?
For me it is love and my bay
To make me gay
I live with all smiles
And within seconds I cross miles

Is a lover a man
Before being my man?
My Man is different I thought
And that is a biggest blunder I brought.

Do giving too much is not a way to love
As he says Self-respect is important
Do I need to build a bridge
That suffocates me with his false pride

For me loving him is living for him rather than my being
Is my way of loving is too much?

I LOVE YOU. Just three words. Spoken innumerous times. Time and again people have used these three words to express the feeling inside their heart, mind & body—the feeling of love.
What it is to be in love? How does it happen? When do you know that it is Love?
Writers/Poets have written/rewritten to describe this feeling of LOVE. Still nothing concrete has been reached so far.
What & How, I have no cue as I am naïve :)
When do you know that it is Love? I was thinking over this & came out with following:
Consider: I LOVE YOU
I & U are 2 people in this sentence. “I” Loves “you” & it is about feeling of I. To maintain the wisdom of LOVE “you” reciprocates same feelings by repeating “I Love You” where “You” becomes “I” & “I” becomes “You”.When two people become mirror to each other, they are in love. What say?;)Keep lovingIt is beautiful to be in love!Cheers-Priyanka

Relationships I have known :)

PART I- INTRO: MY FATHER, MOTHER AND ME

I don’t want to sound opinionated. Just writing as the thoughts are coming to my mind.I am 22 something and educated fairly to satisfy my family. According to them I am over-educated, though I feel my career is not planned properly & I could have done much better if I had a mentor/guide to show me a right path. That pisses me off sometimes but I accept it as I love my family and their affection towards me is most real and precious thing to me.
My Ma & Pa make best parents. They have provided me more than their reach. The best thing my parents have given me is a Sanskaar (Values). Mine is Delhi based Bisa Aggarwal business family. The most treasured thing is family name for them. My father believes it is better if his lovable daughter lives in the protected hems of household where things are available at mere mention. I adore him for all the love he has showered on me. My father cannot read English and he actually hated my decision of going out to explore world. Though I managed to do it for some time say about 1 year & some time more. But ultimately I succumbed to his expectations and left all my work for my Pa whose pride and happiness means something more than my decisions.
For another one year I stayed at home idle. Mind it Idle. I did not do anything. No household chores, nothing just contemplating how sad can be my endeavour with life could be. How could I land nowhere after putting in so much effort. I had worked for 9 to 9. Walked in the heat of blazing sun. Now I was in my room 11’’by 14’’ and thinking, thinking without knowing what has to be done.
This was a period I cut to my social life. I didn’t attend my best friend’s calls even. I used to avoid everything in life. If somebody drop in I would speak as I dint wish to put myself into a Psychological ring.
I used to speak too much. I would keep silent for hours and then get started to say everything I have in my mind. I made my mother cry and feel my pain. I did not then that a mother re-lives her life while bringing up her daughter. My pain has always been hers. She had believed that she cannot do anything to help me.
One of my friend PS from my working days made me write a article. I told her it has been close to a year I have written anything I cannot write anything now. She reminded me I had worked on a project & this article can be compiled from that project only. I wrote it. It took me close to one hour to write that 1000 words article and it got published next week.
She congratulated me. I was happy but noticed that I have to develop an extra effort to smile. Ok I wrote I realized I am not finished commercially. I had no intention to write further as I knew these are only little sweeteners and cannot satisfy me.
In a meantime, I started spending time with my family. I realized there is a whole world in my family unit of ten elders and four little kids. I did things I had not done from years. I cooked food, to my surprise I was still a good cook. I spent time with my brother’s daughter. She was two & grown into absolutely chitchat. My sisters (two elder & married and one younger) were taking extra special care of me all these times. I hated the extra attention, But that made me realize I have relations, many crave for.
My father is not broody. He loves his children and living just for raising us. Once he said : Bhagwaan ne meri maa bachpan main utha li aur mughe chaar betiya di. Meri betian meri chaar maan hai. (God has called my mother when I was a child and send me four daughters and they are my four mother). He loves us, no doubt on that. He is childlike. For him respecting elders, loving younger and keeping faith in God is a way to wise life.
All this period I had avoided him. Though I was present I was absent for him. I thought it wont make any difference for him. He used to take a rich pride in telling people that his daughter has been working for English National daily and he is the one who didn’t let her continue her work as he doesn’t need money from his daughter. This was a statement that used to bring mixed emotions in me.
My younger sister she started working as a teacher. She was earning and was praised highly. My mother used to tell me I had told you to do school job no one would have stopped you then. Girls should do teaching job. It is best for them. RESULT A heated argument ‘tween her and me and putting her into tears along with my redden watery face.
I kept mum. I dint work. My parents indirectly said me I can work to pass off my time. They got me a computer so that I can actively freelance my work.
My father showered me his love. He talked to me. My brother said me few things that touched me. It made me feel these relations so closely.
I learned that I have not wasted my time with journo. I have conceived something unacceptable to my present circumstances, though they admire it a lot. I have lost that strength of rushing & striving 45*C temp. A tender girl is born into me these days. I know not my future.
I do know one thing I am a different person today. I don’t want to work as a journo any more. Recently I resumed my work as a journo, though a in-house builder’s newspaper instead of national daily. My father is happy. I am ok.I will talk about other relations in succession. I am writing my experiences. I invite all of you to say about your father. I know we all love our Dads, the way they are. These things sound trivial to me today.J
Thanks for a patient read!

Hi Friends. I have just watched Page-3, a bollywood movie released in January this year. Cud not stop myself from writing this. You may or may not like this.
Intro of the Movie:As name suggests, Page 3 is an attempt to look inside the life of high profile peeps such as film stars, models, businessmen, social workers, politicians, cops, media people, fashion designers, aspiring actors and many others appearing regularly on Page 3 of newspapers by regularly attending Page3 parties.
Plot/ StoryStory is weaved from a point of view of a rookie journalist Madhavi Sharma, (Konkana Sen Sharma) who is covering Page3 for a famous national daily. She is living in Mumbai with two others, Pearl- a 27-year-old practical airhostess and Gayathari- an innocent girl from Delhi who has just joined this bandwagon of Page 3 parties to make big in Bollywood. Madhavi is a daughter of a Bangalore based Air force officers, she is wise person with moral and ethics.
The movie begins with a Page 3 party, hosted by an NRI businessman, to become celebrity with the coverage of this party on Page 3. Thereon movie reveals various aspects (say filthy or practical) of life- wife swapping, casting couch, cheating spouses, drug paddling, depressions leading to suicide, child sexual abuse and double timing of all human relations. Interestingly the high profile chauffeur/ driver of these guests say all about their lives. Through out, the background sings: Kitne ajeeb Rishtey hai yaha pe/ Sab Ek doosre se hai hoshiyaar yaha pe/ (How queer all relationships are here/ Every person is smarter than the other)
In the series of these glitzy parties Madhavi finds a lover in Tarun, a model who reaches Madhavi for getting publicity and contacts in the industry. Practical Pearl finds a 60+ millionaire and marries him to settle in Newyork to live peacefully ever after. Gayathri falls in love with a FilmStar, gets pregnant and instantly suggested to get aborted. She tries to commit suicide and leaves Mumbai as she doesn’t believe in making such compromises for Bollywood. Madhavi realises the world here is all pretentious and decides to cover Crime beat, leaves Page 3 and moves to Nation page. There she exposes fattest businessman indulged into child prostitution and trafficking children from an NGO run by his wife. Virtuous wife had already committed suicide on the knowledge. Madhavi is fired from the publication for doing so.
She understands rules of the game: She must be in the system to rectify the errors of system. Imaandaari ke saath Samjhdari (She needs to be shrewd along with being Honest to survive here). The final party portrays same old peeps with newly achieved insight of them by Madhavi. Gayathri has made a compromise of sleeping with brilliant directors and she says: Don’t look so shocked Madhavi. I had no other option. Another message she gets: There are no long-term friendships and no long term enemies in this world.
Rules of these parties1)It is a first and foremost frontier of making contacts.2)There are no long-term friendships and no long term enemies in this world.3)Its ok to indulge into sexual act with someone who promises you better future.4)If you have power, money bash it out and host pomp Page 3 parties.5)Page 3 is the creator of your new world.
Few Messages in the movie1)First be a well-civilised Indian than trying out to become ‘westerner’.2)Always have safe sex. (The preacher however tells his gf to abort in the very next scene!)
Things one ponders after 3 hour date with this movie.1)Do one really needs to compromise, if one wants to do meaningful work. Three incidents from the movie, Gayathri wanted to do meaningful cinema but compromises her moral values. Anjali was leading meaningful life by running an NGO for children but had to commit suicide as she gets to know that her husband is involved the prostitution of these children. Madhavi is fired for doing meaningful journalism.2)Child Sexual Abuse exists inside each & every walk of society in one or the other way. Is it really unknown?3)Love is a game. Beware. Who knows who is smarter? You never know if the other person is playing or living with you.4)Is it really better to settle for an millionaire and have fun in life?5)Big fishes always survive after all.
I think its all about making choices, what you want in life and how. The conscious is always there to tell you off your actions. No one else can justify or defy your actions better. What say?
:) :)Priyanka

ANOTHER EXAMPLE OF HOW MEN ARE SO SIMPLE & WOMEN SO COMPLICATED.
At the college, male & female students were told to individually writea sentence using the words 'sex' and 'love.'
Females wrote : When two mature people are passionately and deeply inlove with one another to a high degree and that they respect eachother very much, then, it is spiritually and morally acceptable to thesociety that they both engage themselves in the act of physical sexwith one another.
Men wrote : 'I love sex.'

BLACK? What is Black? Is this a colour or a name of starry flick of Amitaabh Bachchan and Rani Mukharjee?
Black is neither a colour nor a movie after a viewer leaves the hall. Black is a missile thrown by Sanjay Leela Bhansali on the think tanks of audience. It is not the lack of average intelligence that puzzles them. The fault is not with the creatives, actors, plot or direction of Black. Then what is that pesters so much a viewer after a session with the Black.
The three-hour journey reveals the dumbness, the blindness and the deafness of a normal healthy human being. All this through the medium of a girl (Micheal) who is blind, deaf and dumb since her birth. Viewers are flabbergasted, aghast by a revelation that they cannot comprehend Black.
The whole cast is extra ordinary. It is an experiance that is not to be missed. To put it in words is impossible. The emotions are not said, neither heard but felt. If you haven't watched it,Go Watch it!

Hey just check this
The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts. -Bertrand Russell (1872 - 1970)
Men show their characters in nothing more clearly than in what they think laughable. -Johann Wolfgang von GoetheGerman dramatist, novelist, poet, & scientist (1749 - 1832)
With most men, unbelief in one thing springs from blind belief in another. -Georg Christoph Lichtenberg
A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely re-arranging their prejudices. -William James (1842 - 1910)
When you know a thing, to hold that you know it; and when you do not know a thing, to allow that you do not know it - this is knowledge. -Confucius (551 BC - 479 BC), The Confucian Analects
I think we ought always to entertain our opinions with some measure of doubt. I shouldn't wish people dogmatically to believe any philosophy, not even mine. -Bertrand Russell (1872 - 1970)
People with courage and character always seem sinister to the rest. Hermann Hesse-Swiss (German-born) author (1877 - 1962)
A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort. -Herm Albright (1876 - 1944)
I do not want people to be agreeable, as it saves me the trouble of liking them. -Jane Austen
It is unwise to be too sure of one's own wisdom. It is healthy to be reminded that the strongest might weaken and the wisest might err. -Mahatma Gandhi
Note: I am not bound to please thee with my answers. -William Shakespeare :))What say?

Q: “Who Is FE--Inferior?”A: “Human Beings!”

Born as gal, bound to live with fear,
And harassment, that be sexual and bear
Tt, not for its written in rulebook anywhere,
For taught, "its ok!" everywhere.

Nature never made 'the one' feeble,
The 'Earthiets' tell her to be malleable,
Who gave the definition of sex
---Weaker or stronger?
They made it complex.

The Creator became FE-Male
And continued creating Male.
Both have ease for love and respect from others, their own insights.
Then how and why one 'partakes' or simply takes away other's moral rights?

Try out Life,
Without Strife,
Male or Female,
Is the story now pale!
Leave the division of sex, cast or religion,
Justify this life by being mere a human!

(This is my philosophy of life. It is not meant to hurt anybody. Thanks for reading)

-By Priyanka Gupta
Did anybody ever tell you, “Living is an Art”? Did you wonder what s/he actually means? Lets try to find out the art of living, if at all there is one.
First of all lets understand the etymology of the terms ‘Living’ and ‘Art’?? … ‘Living’ is a defining trait of aliveness in human beings; ‘art’ is a skill. Ergo living is natural to us. Then how did something as natural as ‘living’ needs ‘skills’?
Animals do not need any art for living but we--human beings, rational animals-- do need it. The sole reason for this is, we can distinguish good from bad and bad from good. We love our own selves more than any other creatures on this planet do.
God has gifted us life but the same Almighty has given joy and sorrow for our lives. Human life desires only pleasure till their existence. Whenever the contentment, happiness and delight for life is missed, we get aggravated and wish to change every other thing present on this earth.
We often wonder why happy time never lasts long. Rarely we feel elevated, satisfied from our lives.
These are the times when we ask ourselves--Is this a kind of life God has made me for?
There begins the search for happiness and good living within us. The very next question that arises within the human soul is - Where shall I look for the possible solution? Who is going to salt away my troubles?
This might work as a feasible uphold. Focus and remember the last time when you were sad and frustrated out of your life. You were totally pissed off then. Try reaching the world then. It was tough!
Nevertheless you lived afresh. You learnt that art but for very short period, letting the problem come again and bother you in life.
To kill sorrows, fears, insecurities in life one needs to develop friendship with ones own self. Acquitting oneself from the prison of predefined dogmas and exploring the actual desire for one’s real ‘self’ is the only way to attain the highest goal of human life--“ happiness for you and happiness for all”
Cheer. The art of living is within us, we just need to realize it and see it closely.:))

It started with you and I want to it to be always with you. Gosh they think that I am all against men. They might loath it. But its only that I have the best in you that I dont want to look at other men. I will wait. Keep waiting...

Hi I wonder how easily guys put all their fault on the Male ego and silly women readily accept it that men have ego problem so they should take step to break the ice bw them.
I was talking to my friend who is otherwise very very happy with her all loving and caring boy friend who has only one faulty feature ofheavy male ego within him. She knows he will come back to her in the end but she has to accept him with his ever mounting ego as men are like that.
The other day I was reading World famous book titled 'Men are from Mars, women from Venus' suggested by a male friend to me to have a better perspective of how relationships go between the two genders well. I have never believed in these books. Interestingly i started it. I liked the notion expressed by the author in the initial part that there are more differences in the same genders ... forget mars and venus..
But as always, A male in writer started crippling through out the book. He, again and again, stresses the fact that men live with heavy thinking, they dislike sharing there tensions with women, they should be left alone to fight there stress in their own caves. They have ego and women should learn to live with it.
It is all scrap and pls guys come out of it. You love to say that we hate female tears & all senti-mental, emotional stuff. Do answer how long will you take to admit your errors, shortcomings & failures. To err is human than why you live with the fantasy of living as a superhuman to your girl.
Do you think she does not know. You are highly mistaken. It is always that she lets you be at the top (be it field or bed) and that is the reason you are at the top. She masters all art and all those girls who sob around their guys ask yourself are you really meant for this? Cant you perform better? You Certainly can.
It is all a result our poisoned mind that think in the direction of preconceived notions. We all can perform better. What are you waiting for?????
priyanka