Tuesday, May 31, 2005
Relationships I have known :)
Relationships I have known :)
PART I- INTRO: MY FATHER, MOTHER AND ME
I don’t want to sound opinionated. Just writing as the thoughts are coming to my mind.I am 22 something and educated fairly to satisfy my family. According to them I am over-educated, though I feel my career is not planned properly & I could have done much better if I had a mentor/guide to show me a right path. That pisses me off sometimes but I accept it as I love my family and their affection towards me is most real and precious thing to me.
My Ma & Pa make best parents. They have provided me more than their reach. The best thing my parents have given me is a Sanskaar (Values). Mine is Delhi based Bisa Aggarwal business family. The most treasured thing is family name for them. My father believes it is better if his lovable daughter lives in the protected hems of household where things are available at mere mention. I adore him for all the love he has showered on me. My father cannot read English and he actually hated my decision of going out to explore world. Though I managed to do it for some time say about 1 year & some time more. But ultimately I succumbed to his expectations and left all my work for my Pa whose pride and happiness means something more than my decisions.
For another one year I stayed at home idle. Mind it Idle. I did not do anything. No household chores, nothing just contemplating how sad can be my endeavour with life could be. How could I land nowhere after putting in so much effort. I had worked for 9 to 9. Walked in the heat of blazing sun. Now I was in my room 11’’by 14’’ and thinking, thinking without knowing what has to be done.
This was a period I cut to my social life. I didn’t attend my best friend’s calls even. I used to avoid everything in life. If somebody drop in I would speak as I dint wish to put myself into a Psychological ring.
I used to speak too much. I would keep silent for hours and then get started to say everything I have in my mind. I made my mother cry and feel my pain. I did not then that a mother re-lives her life while bringing up her daughter. My pain has always been hers. She had believed that she cannot do anything to help me.
One of my friend PS from my working days made me write a article. I told her it has been close to a year I have written anything I cannot write anything now. She reminded me I had worked on a project & this article can be compiled from that project only. I wrote it. It took me close to one hour to write that 1000 words article and it got published next week.
She congratulated me. I was happy but noticed that I have to develop an extra effort to smile. Ok I wrote I realized I am not finished commercially. I had no intention to write further as I knew these are only little sweeteners and cannot satisfy me.
In a meantime, I started spending time with my family. I realized there is a whole world in my family unit of ten elders and four little kids. I did things I had not done from years. I cooked food, to my surprise I was still a good cook. I spent time with my brother’s daughter. She was two & grown into absolutely chitchat. My sisters (two elder & married and one younger) were taking extra special care of me all these times. I hated the extra attention, But that made me realize I have relations, many crave for.
My father is not broody. He loves his children and living just for raising us. Once he said : Bhagwaan ne meri maa bachpan main utha li aur mughe chaar betiya di. Meri betian meri chaar maan hai. (God has called my mother when I was a child and send me four daughters and they are my four mother). He loves us, no doubt on that. He is childlike. For him respecting elders, loving younger and keeping faith in God is a way to wise life.
All this period I had avoided him. Though I was present I was absent for him. I thought it wont make any difference for him. He used to take a rich pride in telling people that his daughter has been working for English National daily and he is the one who didn’t let her continue her work as he doesn’t need money from his daughter. This was a statement that used to bring mixed emotions in me.
My younger sister she started working as a teacher. She was earning and was praised highly. My mother used to tell me I had told you to do school job no one would have stopped you then. Girls should do teaching job. It is best for them. RESULT A heated argument ‘tween her and me and putting her into tears along with my redden watery face.
I kept mum. I dint work. My parents indirectly said me I can work to pass off my time. They got me a computer so that I can actively freelance my work.
My father showered me his love. He talked to me. My brother said me few things that touched me. It made me feel these relations so closely.
I learned that I have not wasted my time with journo. I have conceived something unacceptable to my present circumstances, though they admire it a lot. I have lost that strength of rushing & striving 45*C temp. A tender girl is born into me these days. I know not my future.
I do know one thing I am a different person today. I don’t want to work as a journo any more. Recently I resumed my work as a journo, though a in-house builder’s newspaper instead of national daily. My father is happy. I am ok.I will talk about other relations in succession. I am writing my experiences. I invite all of you to say about your father. I know we all love our Dads, the way they are. These things sound trivial to me today.J
Thanks for a patient read!
PART I- INTRO: MY FATHER, MOTHER AND ME
I don’t want to sound opinionated. Just writing as the thoughts are coming to my mind.I am 22 something and educated fairly to satisfy my family. According to them I am over-educated, though I feel my career is not planned properly & I could have done much better if I had a mentor/guide to show me a right path. That pisses me off sometimes but I accept it as I love my family and their affection towards me is most real and precious thing to me.
My Ma & Pa make best parents. They have provided me more than their reach. The best thing my parents have given me is a Sanskaar (Values). Mine is Delhi based Bisa Aggarwal business family. The most treasured thing is family name for them. My father believes it is better if his lovable daughter lives in the protected hems of household where things are available at mere mention. I adore him for all the love he has showered on me. My father cannot read English and he actually hated my decision of going out to explore world. Though I managed to do it for some time say about 1 year & some time more. But ultimately I succumbed to his expectations and left all my work for my Pa whose pride and happiness means something more than my decisions.
For another one year I stayed at home idle. Mind it Idle. I did not do anything. No household chores, nothing just contemplating how sad can be my endeavour with life could be. How could I land nowhere after putting in so much effort. I had worked for 9 to 9. Walked in the heat of blazing sun. Now I was in my room 11’’by 14’’ and thinking, thinking without knowing what has to be done.
This was a period I cut to my social life. I didn’t attend my best friend’s calls even. I used to avoid everything in life. If somebody drop in I would speak as I dint wish to put myself into a Psychological ring.
I used to speak too much. I would keep silent for hours and then get started to say everything I have in my mind. I made my mother cry and feel my pain. I did not then that a mother re-lives her life while bringing up her daughter. My pain has always been hers. She had believed that she cannot do anything to help me.
One of my friend PS from my working days made me write a article. I told her it has been close to a year I have written anything I cannot write anything now. She reminded me I had worked on a project & this article can be compiled from that project only. I wrote it. It took me close to one hour to write that 1000 words article and it got published next week.
She congratulated me. I was happy but noticed that I have to develop an extra effort to smile. Ok I wrote I realized I am not finished commercially. I had no intention to write further as I knew these are only little sweeteners and cannot satisfy me.
In a meantime, I started spending time with my family. I realized there is a whole world in my family unit of ten elders and four little kids. I did things I had not done from years. I cooked food, to my surprise I was still a good cook. I spent time with my brother’s daughter. She was two & grown into absolutely chitchat. My sisters (two elder & married and one younger) were taking extra special care of me all these times. I hated the extra attention, But that made me realize I have relations, many crave for.
My father is not broody. He loves his children and living just for raising us. Once he said : Bhagwaan ne meri maa bachpan main utha li aur mughe chaar betiya di. Meri betian meri chaar maan hai. (God has called my mother when I was a child and send me four daughters and they are my four mother). He loves us, no doubt on that. He is childlike. For him respecting elders, loving younger and keeping faith in God is a way to wise life.
All this period I had avoided him. Though I was present I was absent for him. I thought it wont make any difference for him. He used to take a rich pride in telling people that his daughter has been working for English National daily and he is the one who didn’t let her continue her work as he doesn’t need money from his daughter. This was a statement that used to bring mixed emotions in me.
My younger sister she started working as a teacher. She was earning and was praised highly. My mother used to tell me I had told you to do school job no one would have stopped you then. Girls should do teaching job. It is best for them. RESULT A heated argument ‘tween her and me and putting her into tears along with my redden watery face.
I kept mum. I dint work. My parents indirectly said me I can work to pass off my time. They got me a computer so that I can actively freelance my work.
My father showered me his love. He talked to me. My brother said me few things that touched me. It made me feel these relations so closely.
I learned that I have not wasted my time with journo. I have conceived something unacceptable to my present circumstances, though they admire it a lot. I have lost that strength of rushing & striving 45*C temp. A tender girl is born into me these days. I know not my future.
I do know one thing I am a different person today. I don’t want to work as a journo any more. Recently I resumed my work as a journo, though a in-house builder’s newspaper instead of national daily. My father is happy. I am ok.I will talk about other relations in succession. I am writing my experiences. I invite all of you to say about your father. I know we all love our Dads, the way they are. These things sound trivial to me today.J
Thanks for a patient read!
